


Dear Shiro

by akeijis



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Character Death, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Roller Coaster, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Love Letters, M/M, Post-Kerberos, Pre-Canon, Pre-Kerberos Mission, SHEITH - Freeform, dealing with character death, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 04:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13473465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akeijis/pseuds/akeijis
Summary: Keith writes Shiro letters while he's away on the Kerberos mission.It's short, and made me cry writing it which is why it isn't longer. I needed to get this out of my system.





	Dear Shiro

Dear Shiro,

 

You left today.

The launch was nice, if I’m being honest. I heard the whole academy watched, that they broadcasted it on every TV so all the cadets could see it.  But I think it looked nicer from the shack.  It was quiet, but I could still hear the engines.  I watched it until it was completely gone.  It took about ten minutes until I couldn’t see you anymore.  It still hasn’t really hit me that when I go back to the Garrison tomorrow you won’t be there.  It’ll be strange not having you watch me fly, or not sparing together in the evenings.  Not eating together.  Not watching the stars together on the roof.  It’s just… strange.  But I guess when I watch the stars I’ll sort of still be watching them with you, just from far away.  

You’re the star I’ll look for in the sky now.

You promised it’d pass by quickly, and I’m holding you to that.  I’ve got plans for when you get back.  Big plans.  Plans I think you’ll like.  I won’t give them away before you get back, but I’m really looking forward to them.  I’ll give you one hint.  It involves me spending my stipend on something you wouldn’t approve of but will love once you’re on it.  I promise you will.

It’s getting late now.  I meant to go back once the launch was over, but, well, I had to stop crying first.  It’s stupid, I know.  It’s not even that long of a mission, but still.  I miss you already.  But I’ve got this.  By the time you’re back, all your simulator scores will be beaten and there will be a new top pilot walking those halls.  Mark my words.  I’ll make you proud.

I hope space is as breathtaking as you always imagined it.  I hope that you’ll be able to take me to see it next time.

Fly safe.  I’ll see you soon.

 

Yours,

Keith

 

* * *

 

Dear Shiro,

 

You left a week ago.

I haven’t been sleeping in my dorm.  I don’t really know why, but it’s been hard to fall asleep.  The quiet of the desert helps.  Or maybe it’s easier to pretend you’re not gone when I’m away from the Garrison.  Either way, I’ve spent the last week out here besides when I have classes or flights.  I’m not skipping class, like I said I wouldn’t. I know you had little faith I’d still go, but proving you wrong is more important to me than avoiding them.  Some other instructor has filled in for you supervising our simulator flights.  She’s a lot easier on me than you are.  But then again, who isn’t?  

I’m not sure if it’s why I can’t sleep, but I’m nervous all the time.  

I know you’re fine, I heard the officers talking about your progress.  You’re passed the moon now.  It’s hard for me to even imagine how far away you are, but I know you’re going to be a lot farther soon.  And then, you’ll be home.  I can’t wait for you to come home, Shiro.  I’m lonely.  I know it’s dumb, but you’re my only friend here…

I hope Matt isn’t driving you mad yet, and I hope that you can still see Earth behind you.  Wave to me when you think of it. I’ll be waving to you.

Fly safe, please.  I miss you.

 

Yours,

Keith

 

* * *

 

Dear Shiro,

 

You left a month ago.

I got into a fight a today.  It wasn’t my fault though, some punk was saying shit about you.  About how they should’ve picked a better pilot.  As if you aren’t the best the Garrison has.  I didn’t mean to hit him.  I was just going to tell him to be quiet, but… I got carried away.  I’m sorry.  Iverson was angry, but I think he took pity on me.  I just got assigned to clean the simulator after hours for a few days.  Which is fine, it’ll give me some time to fly it when no one else is around.  I’ll fly to Kerberos and meet you there.  

But that’s not what I really want to tell you about!

I made a purchase today and spent just about everything I had been saving since the start of the year.  I want to tell you so badly, but I also want you to see it in person first.  I can’t decide.  But it’s amazing, Shiro.  I’ve never felt more free than when I’m riding it.  I can make it out to the shack in about twenty minutes now, and I found a place around back to park it when I’m at the Garrison.  

Fuck it, it’s the bike.  The hoverbike I was showing you before you left.  The one you said was impractical and too expensive.  Well, it’s mine now, so suck it.  But God, Shiro, you’re going to love it.  It can fit two, so you have no excuse not to ride with me.  

I don’t think I’ve been this happy since before you left.  

I’ve been wondering where you are now.  Passed Mars, I’m sure. Maybe to Jupiter? Saturn?  Can you see the rings?  I bet it’s beautiful.  I can’t even begin to imagine what it looks like in person. You’ll have to give me every detail when you get back, okay?  Promise?  It’s hard to believe that you’re not even halfway there yet.  You’ll be able to look back towards the sun from Kerberos and see the whole solar system laid out before you.  You’ll be one of the only people in the world to ever take in that view.  Maybe if you squint, you’ll see me looking back at you.  I’ll be on the roof of the shack.  Keep an eye out for me.

Fly safe.  Don’t fall asleep in the cockpit.  I know it’s a long trip.

 

Yours,

Keith

 

* * *

 

Dear Shiro,

 

You left four months ago.

Your high score on the simulator has officially been beaten.  I hate to break it to you Shirogane but I’m going to replace you here.  Golden Boy Shirogane?  Never heard of him. It’s Golden Boy Kogane now.  You should have seen the look on Iverson’s face.  I don’t think he wanted to take your name down, if I’m being honest.  Or maybe he just didn’t want to put mine up.  Either way, Keith Kogane is now officially the best pilot at the Garrison.  Until you get back and reclaim the title anyway.  I know you always told me that I could do it, but I honestly didn’t believe you.  You’ve always been so untouchable, you know?  But man, I touched.  And it feels fucking good.  

And you know, I’m starting to get used to it.  I’ve started not looking around for you as soon as I get into the simulator room and I’ve slept in my dorm twice last week.  You said this would happen too.  I guess I should have a bit more faith in you.  You seem to know me better than I do.  

I still miss you though.  

I guess missing you has become normal.  It’s always with me, no matter what.  But the idea that you’ll be home eventually has been helping.  I heard a rumor that you’re landing next week.  I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m hoping it is.  That means you’ll be heading home soon.  And listen Shiro, I don’t care what big celebration the Garrison is planning for you when you get back.  You owe me first.  You hear me?  We’re taking the bike and we’re going away.  You can’t leave me for a year and expect me to wait even a second when you get back.  We’ll go to the shack and you can tell me everything.  I want to hear every detail, every moment, every single thing from the mission.  

And I can give you all these letters.  

It’s probably dumb that I’m writing them when you won’t get them until you come home, but that make me feel like I’m actually talking to you.  Talking to you always made me feel better.  You’re just… well, you’re amazing.  I don’t know what I did to deserve being your friend, but fuck, I am so thankful I am.  

Do you miss me too?

Fly safe. You’ll be home soon.

 

Yours,

Keith

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Shiro,

 

You died today.

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Shiro,

 

You died a week ago.  

The Garrison had a memorial.  I didn’t go.  

I don’t know what to say now.  What am I supposed to say?  I haven’t stopped crying since the announcement.  I haven’t eaten.  I haven’t left the shack.  What does it matter?  

You’re dead.  

You were supposed to come home.  They said it was pilot error.  I don’t know if I believe them, but I’ll never know.  You always flew safe.  You were the best pilot.  But I guess even you make mistakes.  You were only human.

 

Yours,

Keith

 

* * *

 

Dear Shiro,

 

You died a month ago.  

I got booted from the Garrison today.  I don’t want to tell you why, so I’ll just say it was because I stopped going.  It doesn’t matter anyway since you’ll never know.  

I don’t believe that it was pilot error though.  You were the best we had.  There’s no way you just messed up.  When I asked Iverson to see the footage of the crash, he blew me off.  I don’t think there is any.  They would’ve released it if there was.  The Holts deserve to see it.  I deserve to see it.  Something happened out there that they’re hiding, I know it.  

But it doesn’t really make a difference, I guess.  You’re still dead.  

I fucking hate the sky.  I sometimes still go out to the roof to look at it, but there is nothing beautiful about it anymore.  It’s just an endless grave for you.  I feel like it stole you from me.  You _promised_ me, Shiro.  You made so many promises to me.  We had so many plans for when you got home.  But you’re never fucking coming home.

I hate that I let myself believe you.  I hate that I’d never considered a future without you.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.  

I miss you so much.  

 

Yours,

Keith

 

* * *

 

Dear Shiro,

 

You died two months ago.

I threw my bike off a cliff.  It’s pretty banged up, but I think I can fix it.  There’s a few dents in the body and I think the handlebars are bent.  I’m alright, just bruised and my wrist hurts.  It definitely could’ve been worse.  And before you say anything, it was an accident.  And I know, you told me so.  Bikes are dangerous.  Whatever.  So is flying to the edge of the solar system, so shut up.

You know, I thought eventually this would get easier.  I thought _eventually_ I’d have to stop crying over you. It’s ridiculous, isn't it?  I mean, you left me half a year ago.  It was six months yesterday since the launch.  How long does it take to get over the only person who ever meant anything?  There has to be a limit, because living like this isn’t worth it.  It _hurts_ , Shiro.  I can feel it in my chest and my hands and my head and it fucking hurts.  Sometimes I can’t breathe.  It’s like my body is giving up.  I have no future without you.  

There were things I wanted to tell you.  Things I was waiting to say until you got back.

Maybe I’ll tell you anyway.  You’ll never read these, but maybe I’ll tell you.  

Not yet though.  I’m still not ready.

Sorry.

 

Yours,

Keith

 

* * *

  

Dear Shiro,

 

You died eight months ago.

Sorry I haven’t written, I’ve been busy.  That’s a lie, I haven’t been, but every time I picked up my pen I didn’t know what to say.  My life has been pretty much the same as it was since the crash.  Everything hurts all the time, but its normal now.  Just like missing you became normal.  I don’t think I’ve fallen asleep without crying in months.  I’m blaming you for my constant headache. I’ve been living in the shack.  It’s actually pretty nice.  Quiet.  No one knows I’m here.  Next time I crash my bike, maybe I’ll die too, and no one will know what happened to me either.

I did fix the bike.  I’ve been taking it out farther than I used to.  There are these caves in the rock formations we used to talk about going to explore.  They have all these carvings in them.  I think you’d find it cool, I really wish you could see them.  I can’t really make any sense of them, but I keep going back to look.  I’m not sure why, but when I’m out there, it almost feels like I’m close to you again.  

And I think I’m ready to tell you things.  I think I’m ready because I think I’ve finally accepted that you’ll never come home.  It doesn’t make it any fucking easier, but at least I’ve stopped looking up at the sky and begging it to give you back.  I think you’d have preferred to die in space anyway.  Earth was never really enough for you.  You belonged up there.  

But I want to tell you in person.  It’s stupid, I know, I’ll never be able to. But I want to.  So I’ll just tell this one thing for now, and the rest another time, okay?

I love you.  I always have, and I always will.  And that’s why this hurts so bad.  

I’ll write to you again, I promise.  And unlike you, I’ll keep it.  

 

Yours, always and forever,

Keith

**Author's Note:**

> It's killing him when he's away :)


End file.
